Singleness and Marriage

I was emailing my sister the other day and we were talking about the different lives that we lead. Me-a musician in Austin and her-a writer and stay at home mom in Baytown.

I'm 38, I've had some relationships, but have as yet avoided the big one.

My younger sister, Deana, who is 5 years younger than I, has already gotten married to a great husband, Chad. They have 2 kids. Julia is in first grade, Jenna just started walking a month ago.

I told Deana that I was really proud of her and happy for her that she was able to go to our college of choice and get the degree and the ring.

That was sort of an expectation I had, but it wasn't to be. I learned an important lesson about expectations.

I did get my own gift out of that, with a degree elsewhere-read the 2nd post for more....

My sister told me she admired me, because she can tell everybody that her brother is a musician in Austin. She thinks about that when she digs Fruit Loops out of the sofa.

I've come to an awareness then, that one difference between being a single person and being married is the difference between not digging your own Fruit Loops out of the sofa or digging out the Fruit Loops that somebody shorter and younger left there.

One of them is sloppy and one of them is cute-but I'm sure there is an age limitation on that.

There is a friend of mine, many years my senior who has never gotten married.

I once asked her about the state in life that we share, and how she deals with it.

She told me that she resents it when someone tells her that being single is a gift from God. Because it's a gift, it's a gift she doesn't want.

A gift is something we are supposed to enjoy, and doesn't God love us and want us to have nice things?

Kind of like getting socks with holes in them for Christmas instead of an X Box.

My best friend is happily married to a really great lady, and he makes great money. Whenever I start to believe that I have the short stick in life, all I have to do is call him, and after a 1/2 hour of talking about what's going on in our lives, we get off the phone, perfectly content about our individual lot in life.

It's not that his life is so bad, it's just a lot different than mine, and I like the freedoms that being single provide.

I'm happy not to have kids, but I really enjoy playing with my niece Julia.

As I spend time with her I'm reminded of the cool way that our Uncle Ed was with us and realize that there are some fun things I can give Julia.

This past Thanksgiving we played in the street on the Big Wheel that Granny and Grandpa got her(Deana was there watching for cars), and we also played soccer in the backyard when Granny said we couldn't play in the front yard.

When Granny wasn't looking we played soccer in the front yard anyway, and we played catch while we watched Christmas specials.

That's what uncles are for.

I tried playing Monopoly with Julia once-her way of playing is more fun than going by the rules...but I talked Granny into getting some more age appropriate games.

All they had at the time to choose from was regular Monoply, German Monoply and Aggie-0poly. Don't fault them for that, there are more toys at Mom and Dad's house than there were when Deana and I lived there.

Sometimes I'm not sure which ones are my dad's or my nieces'.

Whenever or if I ever do get married, I hope that my wife and I will just spend the rest of our lives on one big date...instead of taking kids to soccer practice, piano lessons, summer camp, etc, we will just do that for ourselves.

I don't like to hold out and say whether I will or won't because I can only handle it one day at a time, and for whatever decision I make, the rest of my life seems like a long time, today.

For now, I'll keep the toilet lid up if I want, I'll keep dirty clothes thrown about the place, I will not put tons of pillows on my bed as the women in my life seem to like to do, and I'll change my plans at the last minute if I want to stay out all night because I don't have to ask anyone!