The Laurel-Crowned Princess, Chapter 15-'Them Thars Fightin' Words'

"The name is Costas, Mr. Hamby" said the man not mistaken for being too tall. "Sheriff Bob Costas." He still had on the yellow and black jester's costume on, but a badge over his left side.

"Well, looks like there's a new sheriff in town," I commented.

"Yes sir, Mr. Hamby, it does look that way," he countered. "And I have ascertained that you are aggravating my bartender."

"No sir, Sheriff. Just trying to get some orange juice, and talk to you."

"Well, this is ostensibly a tumultuous locale to be procuring orange juice."

"But not too rough a place to find a sheriff," I observed.

"All work and no play makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise."

"If I may say so I don't think that's the way that phrase goes, Sheriff. Nor does it really prove your point,” I shot back.

"Pertaining to my proving my point, you may be right Mr. Hamby. Unfortunately that's my perogative in the populace of my authority, of which we presently preside. So thars somethin' for ya to mull over."

"Sheriff, I'm real sorry to hear that, and I imagine that you're going to be even more sorry to hear that this ain't your town no more."

"Mr. Hamby! I'm taken aback to hear you say something that is congrous to that assertion. In fact, I would be disheartened if you were to intend what would be closely parallel to what you implied. That would be an antagonizing day for me and a conglomeration of nearby constituents, encompassing quite possibly yourself.”

"Yes, sheriff, I would like to clarify that what you perceive that I’m suggesting today is actually true and correct, only I ain’t implying it."

"For the welfare of communication, I’m satisfied to have your statement clarified, but I must concede I'm encountering incomplete villification that your suggestion isn’t less than vexified. I feel prevailed upon to provoke you to expound upon the age-old query, ‘you and whose army?’”

“Sheriff, I don’t need an army", I said in my defense. All I need is for you to pack up and get out of town. We can do it my way, which means you just turn your badge over to me real nice-like or we can do it what one might assume is your way, with a fight. I would expect no less from someone who has provided as strong line of defense as you have.”

“Well, Mr. Hamby, it would appear as if this town is lacking the expanse necessary to accomodate the presence of our simultaneous combination heretofore co-existing.”

“I reckon we’re getting real close to the part where thars going to be a big fight.”

“Mr. Hamby, it would make my day, and yours, too-to cease your continuing to consult a thesaurus to compose my rhetoric."

"Fisticuffs it is, then."

"To arms!!!"

Go To Chapter 16