The Laurel Crowned Princess, Chapter 4, 'You're All Free', Mostly Comic Relief...

Then an idea came to me.

"Do you guys do Freebird?"

"Nawww, we only do -contemporary."

"Ok, how about ummm...'Chain Reaction', from side 2 of Journey's 'Frontiers'?

"Man, I'm sorry, we only do their pop hits."

"What kind of band is this?"

"Adult-contemporary...you signed the contract! Contract says we only do -contemporary, anything additional has to be asked for ahead of time."

The guitarist added, "Also says 'No Stairway'."

"Shoot...Denied...." I shot back dismissively.

"We know 'Stone in Love'...anything but 'Touchin,' Lovin,' Squeezin,', we don't have the 'Na Na' part down at the end...."

"That's ok...nobody's ever found me singing by the railroad tracks, I never have drunk, smoked, or done , and rarely if ever have I ever engaged in indiscretionary infidelity...how about 'Paperback Writer' or 'Hey Jude', Beatles?"

"Yeah we can do that,...ready guys? 1-2-3, 'Hey Jude...."

Then another idea....

If I could get the fair maiden in the pink shirt, acid washed blue jeans and tennis shoes, who by this time had changed into a white blouse, blue pull over vest and blue plaid-ish skirt, away from the man blessed with shortness, then she would be free to be who she is.

The best way to do that would be...the pedestal...he's short, he'd be out of range of her...and she of him....

Then, 'all of the sudden', from the horizon, came a brave knight in shining armor on a white horse. He shone so much from the sun that we had to shield our eyes from him.

He stopped near the sword that the man without-need-for-a-red-flashing-light-on-his-head-at-night had stuck in the ground back in Chapter 3, 'What's Your Name, Little ?"

The knight confidently dismounted his horse, and as he briefly lifted his face guard to show a hopeful smile and eyes, easily freed the sword from the ground.

"You're all free now," the knight proudly exclaimed. "You're all free now, and I will live forever now that I have freed the sword from the ground. This I have seen myself do in visions that I have had ever since I was a child."

With this, he closed his faceguard and bowed low.

Everyone looked upon the knight and shouted in one accord, "Wrong story!!"

The man who looked like he was standing in a hole up to his knees but wasn't, asked, "Pardon me good knight, can you give me a hand here and help me get this princess on this noble pedestal?"

Quite embarrassed, as much as a knight with a full helmet can be, he, awkwardly assessing the situation, quickly replaced the sword and clumsily and hurriedly got back on his horse and rode off, toward about left of center of the sunset.

Or where sun would've been if it had indeed been sunset.

Returning our attention away from comic relief and back to our story, still in progress....

'Hey Jude, don't be afraid,
You were born to go out and get her
The minute you let her into your heart,
Then you begin to make it better, better, better, better, better, better....'

Go To Chapter 5

The Laurel Crowned Princess, Chapter 3-'What's Your Name, Little ?'

She told me all about herself and I was totally enthralled. We talked for what to me was never long enough.

But I never got her name. When she was saying '...my name is....'

"...the Laurel Crowned Princess," the zero-taller-lanced man interrupted. "She is none other and known as no one else but the Laurel Crowned Princess! She is to be elevated and revered above all else!"

"Zero-taller-lanced man," muttered he that possessed no tall. "Is that why I have this stupid sword, so you could use that hideous pun?! That doesn't even make any sense!"

With that he threw the sword down into the sand and it stuck straight in.

The woman again said, "Enough with this carrying on from he who is short of height. I am nothing above anyone else that is. Can't you see through your own sorry imagery? I am just a Mid-American ! Cherish me, but do not elevate me above yourself."

Her argument was valid and precise-however, having just had my heart cut out by another woman ever so recently, I couldn't bring myself to be swayed by her arguments. Even still I tried harder than anyone has ever tried to do so, she was so overcoming to me.

And then at that very moment....

....A band of 10,000 strong marched into the middle of the desert, with all of its pomp and circumstance. They, along with adoring friends and family, both non-public radio and non-public TV, my childhood, the rock bands Journey and Chicago-in particularly their respective songs 'Faithfully' and 'You're the Inspiration'-seemingly all that was wrong with most of the 1980s declared this woman The High Laurel Crowned Princess and bowed low to her and sang all sorts of songs of praise to her.

I was hoping they would have avoided Spandau Ballet.

They didn't.

"Why do I find it hard to write the next line,
Oh I want the truth to be said!
Oh-oh-oh-ohhhh-oh,
I know this much is true"

I looked at her, and looked at them, and felt conflicted in my heart.

"Do NOT put me on a pedestal," she raised, the symbolism ringing crystal clear....

Go To Chapter 4

The Laurel Crowned Princess, Chapter 2, "I'm Not A Princess!"

"Behold the Laurel Crowned Princess! Behold all the literary symbolism I and my pedestal represent! Assist me in raising her up on this sacred mount so that she may retain her proper place in the world," the man of slight vertical displacement began.

"I understand the symbolism of the pedestal, but what is the meaning of such a height deprived man as the one you represent?"

"The Everyman," he replied, "I represent the negative social baggage that The Everyman has to deal with in our modern society."

"The Everyman? I don't know of any everyman that would dress like you and carry such things as you do, I retorted. "You look absolutely ridiculous!"

He whose head was not close to being in the clouds replied in an angry loud whisper, "Look, you, last week, with the aid of a milk crate I was cleaning bird droppings off of Ronald McDonald's head. Now this here ain't the greatest story either, but it sure beats flipping burgers at Mickey D's. So, if it's all the same to you, just stick with your lousy script, capice?

An awkward silence fell on the set.

The beautiful woman casually adorned gently broke the silence, the tension, and her character in one fell swoop.

Confused and frantically looking through the script, she asked with a hint of desperation and timidity, "Ahem.... Excuse me, I'm sorry...I'm really lost now. W-W-Where are we in all of this?"

An anonymous voice called out, "Roll the eyes, I'm not a princess!"

She courteously thanked the voice.

Rolling her eyes, she protested, "I'm not a princess, I'm a ordinary person just like yourself. And if I could have leave from this non-tallish man, that would be simply wonderful!"

The man who was so short that no one would know the difference if he wore shorts or long pants, proclaimed, "I cannot and will not leave until the proper time when the princess is pedestaled to her proper position!"

Despite the clever alliteration, her great beauty caught my eye.

I was mesmerized.

"I'm Brian, what's your name?"


Go To Chapter 3